To Uncle
To Uncle,
Mamma always told me "Son don't cry, uncle will bring you sweets if you stop." Little did she know that the uncle who brought sweets wasn't the sweetest. Little did she know I cried because I didn't want you to visit us. Little did she know these tears were a consequence of her consolatory words.
I've always wanted to tell you how it felt. I wanted to tell you to stop, but you pressed my face down so hard, I couldn't dare to spell a word. You'd tell me to kiss you first and only then you'd give me sweets. I remember how I was punished for saying I didn't want your sweets. My mother didn't mind it when you told me that you'd put me to sleep. The only person she knew of was the loving and caring uncle I had. She never saw your devilish smile when you'd forcefully pull me and push me on the bed. Mother never knew how I slept out of unconsciousness and not the lullabies you supposedly sang for me.
I hated it when you forced your huge fingers into my mouth. I hated it when I chocked on it. I hated it more when you smiled at that. I wished for death right there. I wish I could scream. I regret not doing that. I wish I could gather up some courage to tell her what was happening, that her brother wasn't the best. That you were a demon slowly scarring deep into my soul. Taking my light away from me.
It is not disgust or spite that I have for you anymore, that's gone with time. But the only thing I do not want anymore is this body I reside in. Even my soul doesn't seem to belong to me. Thanks to you. I'm tired. I'm done.
Do you know how weak I felt? Do you know how I thought my bones were melting inside me? Do you know how many sleepless nights I've had as a child? Do you know how it feels to have a father-figure harass you? Do you know the way a person's head spins after you're done playing with them? Do you know how it is to be exposed to so much at that tender age? You don't, you'll never know old man.
All I wish for you now is that you die. But die doing what you love.
I hope you masturbate all the blood out of you.
Die.
I was never yours,
Josh.
Mamma always told me "Son don't cry, uncle will bring you sweets if you stop." Little did she know that the uncle who brought sweets wasn't the sweetest. Little did she know I cried because I didn't want you to visit us. Little did she know these tears were a consequence of her consolatory words.
I've always wanted to tell you how it felt. I wanted to tell you to stop, but you pressed my face down so hard, I couldn't dare to spell a word. You'd tell me to kiss you first and only then you'd give me sweets. I remember how I was punished for saying I didn't want your sweets. My mother didn't mind it when you told me that you'd put me to sleep. The only person she knew of was the loving and caring uncle I had. She never saw your devilish smile when you'd forcefully pull me and push me on the bed. Mother never knew how I slept out of unconsciousness and not the lullabies you supposedly sang for me.
I hated it when you forced your huge fingers into my mouth. I hated it when I chocked on it. I hated it more when you smiled at that. I wished for death right there. I wish I could scream. I regret not doing that. I wish I could gather up some courage to tell her what was happening, that her brother wasn't the best. That you were a demon slowly scarring deep into my soul. Taking my light away from me.
It is not disgust or spite that I have for you anymore, that's gone with time. But the only thing I do not want anymore is this body I reside in. Even my soul doesn't seem to belong to me. Thanks to you. I'm tired. I'm done.
Do you know how weak I felt? Do you know how I thought my bones were melting inside me? Do you know how many sleepless nights I've had as a child? Do you know how it feels to have a father-figure harass you? Do you know the way a person's head spins after you're done playing with them? Do you know how it is to be exposed to so much at that tender age? You don't, you'll never know old man.
All I wish for you now is that you die. But die doing what you love.
I hope you masturbate all the blood out of you.
Die.
I was never yours,
Josh.
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